Hans Gruber and the Die Hards 2

by Hans Gruber and the Die Hards

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01:45
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02:07
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02:10
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02:38
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credits

released August 9, 2019

Chris Thompson on Drums
TJ Robinson on Vocals
Kurt Armstrong on Bass, Trombone, Vocals, & Percussion
Hans Emanuelson on Guitar, Trumpet, Vocals, Percussion, & Keys
Rosey Armstrong on Tenor Saxophone, Vocals, & Percussion

Recorded, Engineered & Mixed by Drew LeClair at Studio 8522
Mastered by Jim Wilson at Jim Wilson Mastering, Colorado
Illustration & Design by Kyle Armstrong
Produced in the U.S.

Jump In The Line written by Lord Kitchener
All other songs written by Hans Gruber and the Die Hards
hansgruberandthediehards.com
hansgruberandthediehards@gmail.com

Paper+Plastick 2019
Paperandplastick.com

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Track Name: All I want
And that’s all I want too!

Food on the table
A place to lay my head
Clothes on my back
That's all I want!

Meat in the freezer
A nice set of sheets
A good pair of shoes
That's all I want!

A washer and dryer
A deeper sink
Some organic soap
That's all I want!

A bigger TV
A two story house
A mid-size car
That's all I want!

A walk in closet
A sweet jacuzzi
A little me time
That's all I want!

A fully stocked bar
A maid and a butler
The finer things in life
That's all I want!

More, I want more,
I want more, I want more
I want more, I want more
That's all I want!
Track Name: The Ballad of Burro the Man
Collapsed bearing the weight
Of his ever dying soul
A lone figure lifts himself up knowing
This is not the way he goes
Buried 'neath the sand dunes
Nor drowning in the sea
Before his time has come
There is vengeance he must seek

Steady he'll press on
Until the time has come
Where he's finally killed the Colonel
With his own gun
Holstered at Burro's side
Growing heavy as he nears
His final destination
Year after year

Reaching the town
Where the Colonel's left his mark
Burro marches towards the bar
The only place to start
Calmly, pressing forward
His memories filled with death
A conquered people have no fear
For they have nothing left

Burst into the room
After knocking down the door
Civilians flee in panic
Not knowing what's in store
Firing off three shots he screams
"Don't you know who I am"
Terrified, the Colonel utters
“Burro the Man”

Woah! Burro the Man!
I am Burro the Man!
Track Name: This Flat Earth
The Earth’s Flat
We never thought that you would ask us
Our expert opinion

We know that NASA guards the ice wall
It runs along Earth’s rim 100 feet tall
And gravity's an illusion, objects don't fall
Cause this disc is a disc is a disc, not a ball
It accelerates upward 32 feet per second

I said, I said, I said the Earth’s flat
How the fuck did you not know that?

You globies
You’re all so fucking stupid
And NASA, you’re so full of shit
Track Name: Deja Voodoo
They say the definition of insanity
Is trying to change while doing the same thing
All philosophies are based on assumptions
Your assumptions don’t mean shit to…

And I feel like I’m losing my mind
Been here before
And I know this time I just can’t take it anymore

Looking back over my shoulder in victory
But then I see your face laughing right in front of me
Track Name: Black Eyed Children
I cannot believe
This internet hoax in front of me
Black eyes, sharp teeth
They just need a ride home
Before I leave
There is clearly something wrong
There’s no resisting
This dread chills me to the bone

Gaunt face, color drained
I’ve made a terrible mistake
Cough blood, sharp pain
Coincidence, I’m sure though
Those eyes, haunting
Shivers quake down my spine
They will, not go
I’ve finally lost all hope

Why did I let them in?
Black Eyed Children haunting me
Is there nothing I can do to make them leave

I guess that I must live with it
Black Eyed Children haunting me
I feel my life slowly draining away from me
Track Name: American Hero
Wandering through the streets, I first saw it on the news
They told us with a straight face, “don't panic now it's just a few”
And I've watched enough movies to know
They're all about to lose control, welcome to the horror show

Then I spotted one with my own eyes
She was blending in with a red hat, but I saw right through the lies
Never shot a gun before, I never took a punch
But I'm sure as hell not gonna sit around and be somebody's lunch

The plague has spread
The time has come to shoot ‘em all in the head

I'm a great American hero
Just like Grandpa did on D-Day
I'm a great American hero
We're anti-zombie USA

Well, it didn't take long to spread throughout the heartland
Those morons had it coming, but it's not too late to take a stand
Take to the streets, comrade answer my call
And now we know for sure that the Russians were behind it all

Why won’t anyone else take this threat seriously?
I know they look normal, but they're not the same as you and me
Fear not, for I am here to save the day
I'm the hero no one asked for, but I'm fighting for you anyway

I'm a great American hero
Just like Grandpa did on D-Day
I'm a great American hero
We're anti-zombie USA
I'm a great American hero
Steve Rogers slug ‘em all in the face
I'm a great American hero
We're anti-zombie USA

Shoot first! Think never!

Now, the armies of darkness have conquered the whole town
You gave peace a chance, but in war there is no middle ground
There's blood on your hands and you're the one to blame
You cowered behind your morals when the enemy came

As I stare into the abyss I finally see
Come to think I'm feeling rather hungry
I bite into your neck and rip apart your face
I'll do it all again so I can save the human race
Track Name: Polka King
There once was a man, everyone should know
Dancing through his life, so I'm told
By day he crafted crates and even in old age
Nothing could stop him when he hit the dance floor

Let's drink to the king
Grab someone and dance the night away
Let's drink to the king
That's how he'd want it anyway
So cheers to the Polka King Freddie K

The night was slow at the bar, Freddie had no car
Everyone was bored and going home
Then someone saw a light, a tractor in the night
Nothing could stop him we all hit the dance floor

And now he is gone, but together the legend lives on
Track Name: Scaling Down
Scaly skin in my yard
This time they’ve gone too far
You can’t scare me I know the truth
Earth has to know they’re coming for you

New World Order at DIA
Reptilian overlords hiding away
In plain sight, actors on TV
Could be anyone, you or me
See their tongue split in that frame?
Slit iris gives them away
Ain’t no way that they’ll take me
At least not alive, can’t you see?

I’m not paranoid!

Where will you be when they come?
Me, I’ll stand up and fight
Flash! Bang! It’ll all be over
The end is in sight

See their tongue split in that frame?
Slit iris gives them away
Ain’t no way that they’ll take me
At least not alive, can’t you see?

Where will you be when they come?
New World Order!
Track Name: Theme From Hans Gruber and the Die Hards
Instrumental
Track Name: Furbaby
When we first met it was love at first sight
Laughing hard and hanging out late into the night
But then I noticed in your window much to my surprise
Staring back at me you already had another guy

Oh no!

Furbaby! Furbaby!
She loves her dog more than me
I'm Howlin up the wrong tree
She loves her dog more than me

Now don’t get me wrong dogs are man’s best friend
I didn’t even care when he bit me in the head
But the bedroom’s where I have to draw the line
When you said doggy style I kind of had something else in mind

Sometimes we just all need to take a stand
After all I’m still a man
And I know I can never compete, this can only end in defeat
And it stings to swallow my pride
And it kills me, I have to say goodbye
Really kills me, I have say goodbye
And it kills me, I have to say goodbye
Why can’t I say goodbye?
Track Name: Jump in the Line
Shake, shake, shake, Senora
Shake your body line
Shake, shake, shake, Senora
Shake it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora
Work your body line
Work, work, work, Senora
Work it all the time

My girl's name is Senora
I tell you friends, I adore her
And when she dances, oh brother!
She's a hurricane in all kinds of weather

Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Ok, I believe you!
Jump in the line, rock your body in time
I said ok, I believe you!
Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Shut up Hans, I believe you!
Jump in the line, rock your body in time

Shake, shake, shake, Senora
Shake your body line,
Shake, shake, shake, Senora
Shake it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora
Work your body line
Work, work, work, Senora
Work it all the time

You can talk about Cha-Cha
Tango, Waltz, or the Rumba
Senora's dance has no title
Jump in the saddle
Hold on to de bridle

Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Ok, I believe you
Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Hoist those skirts a little higher!
Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Up the chimney
Jump in the line, rock your body in time

Shake, shake, shake, Senora
Shake your body line
Shake, shake, shake, Senora
Shake it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora
Work your body line
Work, work, work, Senora
Work it all the time

Senora, she's a sensation
The reason for aviation
And fellas, you got to watch it
When she wind up, she bottom,
She go like a rocket

Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Okay, I believe you!
Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Hoist those skirts a little higher!
Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Or better yet, just take them off!
Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Track Name: Tune in to The Antiques Roadshow
Tune in to the Antiques Roadshow
Monday Nights at 8!

Down in Kansas City bring in your grandma’s chair
Passed it down to you oh she got it from somewhere
Hopefully you’re lucky and got a national treasure

This rug on your wall I hope it’s native made
I saw a farmer bring one in it’s value was insane
Although I really wish it didn’t have that wine stain
Track Name: Is Today Worth Waking Up For
7 AM think I’ll snooze that shit again
Is today worth waking up for?
Should I go to work?
Well I guess it all depends
Is today worth waking up for?

How did things get this way?
I’m really not trying to waste my life away
No one seems to care
I should have seen it coming but I got caught sleeping again

I laugh as the waves crash in
This ship is going down
But I’m just not ready to give in
Never gonna take the easy way out

I’m left to hang dry
I’m still wondering why
Is today worth waking up for?
That’s okay money never motivated me
Is today worth waking up for?

Oh no think I made a mistake
The waters coming in gonna drown if I stay
Guess it never meant a thing to me
And I never wanted to be the guy faking a smile
It still doesn’t feel right to me
But at least I’m still alive
Track Name: Real Life Walter White
Hazmat suits bright as daisies
Dragging out a man covered in feces
Never a dull moment in this neighborhood
Real life Walter White don’t look so good

Cook it in the tub of a motel
Get busted when you try to sell
To an undercover cop in the neighborhood
Real life Walter White don’t look so good
Track Name: Tommy Westphall
Saint Elsewhere it started
Where Tommy created
All of our favorite TV series
Envisioned a murder
Bayliss and Pembleton
Connecting homicide, life on the streets

It’s in his head!

Cheers and then Frazier
John Larroquette's show
Introduced us to Yoyodyne
A client of Angel
Like Weyland-Utani
Reynolds battle of serenity

Oh! Tommy Westphall!
You're the reason for it all!

As far back as Lucy
Adventures of Superman
Now we include Kara Zor-El
Green Hornet and Kato
Bam Pow'in on Batman
And Penguin went to hang with the Monkees

Thank goodness it's funny
With Urkel convincing
Stephanie Tanner that glasses are cool
Grace under fire
Had Luther and Carey
And Carey is how we got to The Norm Show

It’s in your head Tommy!
You made it up Tommy!
Track Name: Eternal Beach Ball
One summer, forever ago
I found a little alter in a glacier far from home
Clasped in his hands, the dead man’s grasp
Wouldn’t let go of my treasure so I hacked him with an ax!

The dead man rose and asked for my name
Using not any modern tongue, but all the same
He peered into my soul, with one last breath
And thanked me for releasing him from life without death

The years soon passed, I’m six hundred and ten
I watched my children die, been with men and women
So I write out this letter, I hope it’ll be my last
For the madness’ taking over and my mind’s set to one task

I must find someone to take my curse
Someone afraid to die, I’ll give them something worse

Give your name

Tell me your name and I’ll give you my curse
Life without death, now there’s nothing worse

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